Feeling Empty and Fulfilled

Books, Basketball, and the Boston Celtics

Last week, the Boston Celtics lost to the Philadelphia 76ers in game 7 of the opening round of the NBA playoffs. After the game, Celtics head coach, Joe Mazzulla, had an interview in which he said something a lot of people found rather odd.

“The year we won I felt just as empty as we did when we lost.”

You can watch the quote in context here: Coach Mazzulla Interview

The Celtics won the NBA championship in 2024. In 2025, their star player, Jayson Tatum tore his Achilles tendon in the second round of the playoffs. Tatum made it back toward the end of the 2026 season, but sat out because of an injury in that decisive game 7 the Celtics lost.

While the internet made fun of Mazzulla and diagnosed him with all sorts of problems, I think I understood what he meant.

There can be an empty feeling that arises when achieving something difficult.

When my first book was released in November 2022, I remember this feeling. I had built up the moment of holding the book in my hands so much, anticipating it as a moment of great joy and fulfillment. When the moment arrived, it was less than I imagined. It did feel a bit empty.

It’s what I’d been working toward for years. Here it was, the symbol of my hard work shipped to my door and into my hands, but it did not produce the joy I thought it would.

What’s odd is that at other times of accomplishment, I have felt quite satisfied and fulfilled. When I finish a marathon, I do not feel that sort of emptiness.

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on why this difference exists. And I have no idea if Coach Mazzulla feels the same, but perhaps he can relate.

I think for me, the difference between a marathon and writing a book is this: When you train for a marathon, there is a ton of work that goes into it, but the marathon itself is the test of if that training paid off. The training is hard in and of itself, but the race is the place where you prove you can do the hard thing.

This is not how it is with a book. With a book, the hard work was in writing, re-writing, editing, and promoting the book. The production, printing, and delivery of a book is not something the author is involved in. It just shows up at the door months after the actual work and accomplishment took place.

The accomplishment of writing a book is spread out over months, even years. And there is not a moment of testing with a book in the same way there is with a marathon. There are many moments of accomplishment. First, the idea. Then a proposal is sent. Proposal is accepted. First draft written. Second draft. Fourteenth draft. Editor approved. Seeing the cover. Marketing meetings. Recruiting a launch team. Reading endorsements. Sharing the release date. Unboxing the book. Unboxing the swag with the book. Book release party. Podcast interviews. There are so many moments. As an author, I cannot expect that one of those moments will hold all the feeling of accomplishment. They all hold some of it.

Another thing worth noting is that for me, as I held the book, I did not feel like I was holding something that was truly complete. I knew that there was more work to do. More books to write. And even if it was good to hold this first of my own books in my own hands, it was hard to feel a sense of accomplishment or finality because I knew this was just the beginning of something much bigger.

I wonder if Coach Mazzulla is looking at coaching the Celtics and winning championships in a similar way. To win a championship is great, but the expectation is you will be back and win more. How many championships is enough? For the Timberwolves it might be one. But for the Celtics, who won number 18 in 2024? For an NBA coach who is in his 30s? There’s a lot more to do. Winning one is great, but I wonder if some of the emptiness comes from knowing more is expected. More is sought. That winning one ring is incomplete.

Also, I wonder if Coach Mazzulla is approaching this from a much broader perspective. That the accomplishment of winning a championship doesn’t happen in a moment. But, like a book, it is accomplished over the course of months. It is not one game of testing, but up to 110 games of testing that has led to this moment. You have to win 50ish regular season games to even make the playoffs.

To make it through the playoffs and win a championship, you have to win four different seven-game series. And every series is divided into four moments of victory and accomplishment.

I understand how the spread out nature of such a system could make that final game of that final series feel a bit empty.

But the final thing I’ll say about emptiness, books, marathons, and basketball is this. I run marathons for the sheer enjoyment of it (I know. You are perhaps doubtful that running 26.2 miles could possibly be enjoyable.) I know I am not going to win. I know I’m never going to be a professional runner. I’m not going to qualify for Boston, the Olympic trials, or get a shoe deal. So running is all play and much less pressure.

But with writing a book? I undoubtedly invested way too much of my identity into the idea of being an author. I daydreamed about becoming a best seller, winning awards, being able to write fulltime. And holding that first book did not make any of those daydreams come true. It was not done purely for enjoyment. It was done for other reasons as well. And I allowed my expectations to be exaggerated, which led to a sense of emptiness when those exaggerated expectations were not met. In theological terms, I had made my first book an idol. And it could not bear the weight I had placed upon it.

For Coach Mazzulla, coaching basketball is his livelihood. And he knows that he could very well be out of a job if he does not win another championship in the next two years. Expectations are huge. And even winning a championship only buys you so much more time in such a competitive space. There is nothing he can do in one season that will guarantee his security for the rest of his career. I think Coach Mazzulla actually understands this and so he has avoided over-investing or idolizing winning a championship. That accomplishment cannot give him what he desires, thus emptiness occurs win or lose.

Recognizing an idol cannot deliver all you desire is a good thing. And though it may leave you with some emptiness, hopefully it points you to the place and Person of true fulfillment, of true identity.

Thanks for reading.

Andy